It's Wednesday. Know your worth.

 "God paid a great price for you. Don't be a slave to the world."
I Cor. 7:23

This month I was blessed to pay off my car. This particular car has a special meaning to me because it represents a particular faith experience between me and God. You know there are defining moments in every Christian's walk with God that you just never forget.  For me, this was one of those moments.

Have you ever had a desire for something that you knew was out of your price range? In your mind you could see yourself with it, but in the natural, not really? You knew that God could do it; but you dare not think that he would do it.  Why would He?

Those are the kinds of conversations we have with ourselves when we don't know our true worth in God. I had wanted this car for a couple of years. It was just a desire in my heart and I remember so well asking God to bless me with it.  I told my husband, my children and my church that I was believing God for this kind of car. The children in my church would see it on the road and they would say, "There goes Pastor Karen's car." Everyone who knew me, knew that I expected to own a Chrysler 300 Hemi, fully loaded.  I remember so well the day that I was driving home and the Lord spoke to my spirit and said, "You know I am going to give you that car."

Now with that word you would think the car was just around the corner.  No, it did not happen quite like that. I am a woman of faith but I am not a foolish woman.  Just because I see something that I want, I don't just go and get it...especially when it comes to signing a dotted line.  In fact, many other people got that car before me.  I remember one day I was on my way to church.  I was stopped at the stop light and I happened to look across the road and saw a man driving the car that I was believing God for.  In the front passenger seat sat his big dog.  The devil used this opportunity to taunt me.  He said, "Even a dog can get this car but you can't." Now you can imagine my seeing that image and hearing those words from the enemy did not do a good job in helping me to see my worth in the eyes of God.

I remember the day that I went to purchase the car. It was everything that I had asked for.  Unfortunately I did not leave the dealership with the car. Since I was purchasing the car alone without my husband, they said that my income was not sufficient enough for me to purchase it without a cosigner. They gave me three days. This created a dilemma for me since the requirements of the dealership were directly opposed to the requirements that God had laid out for me. Little did I know that I was going to have to close the deal in the spirit realm before it could be closed in the natural realm.

The first two days were not a problem.  I just believed that by day three I would be picking up my car. I don't know what I expected to happen.  Was someone going to call or stop by and say, "Pastor Karen, the Lord told me to buy you a car." Was I going to get an unexpected check in the mail? I have heard testimonies like these, so why couldn't it happen for me? Well by day three, it was clear that it was not going to happen for me like that.

I remember dragging myself out of bed and going to the living room where I often go to pray.  I remember dropping to my knees as if I had a 100 lb weight on my back.  Shamefully I have to admit that I was a "faithless mess".  It was day three and there was not an inkling of a sign that I would be picking up the car of my dreams. God had made me a promise and I was depressed because for some reason I feel like it is my responsibility to make it happen and I could not.

While I was on my knees with my face buried in the couch cushion, I felt so worthless. I began to cry and plead to God like a beggar. It was then when I clearly heard Holy Spirit say to me, "Get, up girl." His voice was not gentle.  He was not comforting or gentle like I would have preferred at this time. Instead,  he sounded like a parent talking to a whining child.  Like I often sounded when speaking to my whining children when they were younger and did not believe that I was going to fulfill the promise that I had made them. I felt so embarrassed at this moment.  After all, I had taken great caution to cry quietly so that my husband would not hear me.  I had chosen to pray in the living room, a place further from the bedroom than any other for the same reason. I could not let my husband see me so faithless on the third day.  For the past two days I had been in a state of euphoria.  For the past two years I had bragged consistently about how God was going to bless me with this new car without ever receiving a word of confirmation from him. No, I would not give hin the opportunity to see me this way. So imagine my surprise when the Holy Spirit called me out.

He told me to get up and begin to praise the Lord like the worthy child of God that I was.  He told me to begin to thank God for keeping his promise to me and then he gave me one more command.  He said begin to decree and declare exactly how you want this situation to go.  I did what he said and God did what I said. When I drove my car off that lot without the assistance of a co-signer or a down payment, I realized that it was never about the car.  This experience was about believing God to keep his promise to a daughter that he counts worthy.